The MANkind

Sometime back (been long, actually) a friend plagiarised (er.. sorry if you are reading this... let's say you were INSPIRED) a popular note on women , and wrote her version for my kind -

OLD ELEMENT IN THE PERIODIC TABLE

Element : MEN

Symbol : WO-

Atomic mass : Accepted as 65 kg; isotopes may vary from 40-200 kg

Occurrence : Copious quantities in all urban, rural and forest areas

PHYSICAL PROPERTIES

1. White, brown or black

2. Adsorption, tremendous affinity to dirt and dust

3. Condensation, covered with a layer of sweat

4. Bad odour

CHEMICAL PROPERTIES

1. Highly reactive with WO+

2. Hybridized state : Electrons always in excited state

3. Capacity to form Unlimited bonds with WO+

4. Does not allow bonding between own WO+ with other WO-

5. Breaks bond with WO+ with high frequency and looks for new WO+

6. High affinity for C2H5OH, alcohol. Shows Brownian movement under it's effect

7. Repelling effect with water

COMMON USES

None found till date

TESTS

1. Turns green when WO+ reacts with another WO-

2. Litmus test : Turns red to blue due to perspiration

POTENTIAL HAZARD

WO+ must always take precautions before WO- bonds, potential threat to mental and physical health. Highly Unstable, keep WO+s out of reach

This was my reply to her...

Just additions to what she wrote.. to give a different perspective

OLDEST ELEMENT IN THE PERIODIC TABLE

PREDATES ALL OTHER ELEMENTS, ACCEPTED NEGATIVITY TO HIGHLIGHT THE IMPERCEPTIBLE POSITIVITY IN WO+

Element : MEN

Symbol : WO-

Atomic mass : Accepted as 65 Kg; isotopes may vary from 40-500 kg (ref. WWE)

Occurrence : Copious quantities in all urban, rural and forest areas, basically wherever there are traces of WO+

PHYSICAL PROPERTIES

1. White, brown or black (please make a note of the variety)

2. Adsorption, tremendous affinity to dirt and dust; characteristic of activity, as opposed to the gross inactivity typical of WO+

3. Condensation, covered with a layer of sweat as a result of the tremendous (sometimes inhumane) toils it undertakes for the sake of WO+

4. Bad odour, camouflaged with deodorants in the advanced members of the species

CHEMICAL PROPERTIES

1. Highly reactive with WO+, react to stabilise WO+

2. Hybridized state : Electrons always in excited state, catalysed by WO+

3. Capacity to form Unlimited bonds with WO+; only if the scope of his WO+s interacting with each other is minimal

4. Does not allow bonding between own WO+ with other WO-, because more bonding between positive and negative ions can result in annihilation

5. Breaks bond with WO+ with high frequency and looks for new WO+, a process often precursored and initiated by WO+. Strangely WO+ regrets once the process is over, n blames it on WO-

6. High affinity for C2H5OH, alcohol. Shows Brownian movement under its effect; which is highly amusing for WO+, so accept it for the entertainment value

7. Repelling effect with water, excepting the water bodies inhabited by WO+

COMMON USES

None found till date, except that their unavailability would render (most specimens of) WO+ incapacitated of bonding

TESTS

1. Turns green when WO+ reacts with another WO- (ref. chemical properties of WO-, given above, for the underlying logic)

2. Litmus test : Turns red to blue due to perspiration (ref. physical properties of WO-, given above)

POTENTIAL HAZARD

WO+ must always take precautions before WO- bonds. Potential threat to mental and physical health, because being transported to higher levels can be dangerous for elementary samples of WO+. Once accustomed, the experience is similar to the attainment of nirvana.

Highly Unstable, keep WO+s out of reach. The instability is very superficial, though WO+s with a penchant for existentialism should better be kept out of reach.